Originally, I was ashamed of my almost five month hiatus, but now I am simply humbled and incredibly grateful. At the present, all I can do is muse about how life works in funny, backwards ways. However, the past few months weren’t always as easy to embrace as it has been incredibly disruptive. Though if I’ve learned anything from my involvement in communication and technology, disruption is what leads to some of the most meaningful life change. Personal disruption is no different.
In one moment you can be so incredibly certain that you’re headed in the right direction – focused, committed, determined. The next, you’re completely unsure of which way to go – who you are, how you got there and where the heck you’re going. It’s taken many days and nights of discomfort to realize that I was upon a major personal and professional shift. Acknowledging this was probably one of the most challenging and liberating self-realizations to date.
Pride and comfort played a large part in the discomfort of this disruption. For over five years I’ve drowned myself in technology, primarily internet, society and new means of communication. Fascinated by it both professionally and personally. In so deep, that it became (and still slightly is) identity forming. It is hard to pull and separate yourself from something that others see you so identified with. Without sounding self centered (typically I’m much more modest), but I do believe that I have the ability to excel in this particular space, but I don’t want to. There was, and still is, a major hurdle holding me back. The scope of such a focus is too narrow, forced and simply exhausting. Ironic, right? We’re talking about technology, it’s infinite, but the particular area in which I was focusing my professional attention just wasn’t the right fit. All pleasure and curiosity I held previously – gone. At least for now, in it’s current incarnation.
Several major life changes have also aided in this intense soul searching. My MBA, a degree that I worked diligently towards for over three years is complete. Something that required so much of my intention, focus and emotion is now done – and with its completion an overwhelming sense of accomplishment, but a hole of uncertainty and responsibility. We have a peanut-to-be scheduled to make an appearance in March. The unexpected emotion and reflection that comes with pending parenthood is truly remarkable and incredibly eye-opening. It’s made me reassess the life I want to have not only for me, but for my growing family and the life I want for my own child.
What next for Left Behind Bottle Caps? Well, I hemmed and hawed over whether I should start a new blog or not, but this blog, like me, has grown, changed and matured. I want to enable it to do so. I don’t want to forget my past interest in social media, but rather integrate my underlying interest in communication and stories into my next career, what ever it may be. I’m also not looking to turn this into a mommy blog (not that there’s anything wrong with mommy blogs) – for now I have decided to keep much of that aspect of my life separate until I feel compelled otherwise.For now, I hope to focus more on the act of creating, the act of living and the act of embracing the many things that inspire me each and every day.
If I’ve learned anything in these past few months it’s that balance and passion in life is everything. I used to think that this was just me, and perhaps it is, but what is life without balance and passion. They should be the pillars of much of what we seek to accomplish in life. So for now, I pursue interests. I’m rekindling my love affair with art (any and all hands-on craft), seeking educational opportunities to delve back into project management and becoming a grammatically better person by pursuing copy editing – maybe even a cooking class or two.
[Photo from Freya Art & Design via Etsy. Truly amazing prints! Please visit her.]